Be intentional in your giving - everyone is worthy

Today I read an article on the Internet about a woman who had experienced deep poverty in her younger years and she explained how it defined her as an adult. She shared a life changing event that may have saved her life and most certainly that of her mother. You can read that story here.
I’m a Little Too Fat, a Little Too Giving. I Think I Know Why.

Her story resonated with me for two reasons. First because although the details are different, but my own life story has similarities and second because I once had an opportunity to influence some young minds about giving and stereotypes. 

In my career as an executive director of small rural not for profits, I once had the privilege of managing an organization that operated a food bank as part of its array of services. Like many food banks we would participate in and be the grateful recipients of community food drives. You know the kind, where girl guides or hockey teams or schools would collect food for the local food bank. Usually around Christmas, Thanksgiving and Easter, because for some reason people don't appreciate that hunger is year round and not just when the season encourages you to be generous. But that is another story!

This time I was invited to attend the school that was mounting the food drive to speak to the classes about the food bank. I chose to accept the invitation and I visited every class from kindergarten to grade 8.  I was happy to attend and share some insight with the students about the kind of person/family who utilised the food bank. Why they needed it and what kind of products we were asking for. I did this because I noticed when people were asked to give to the food bank during a food drive, they frequently were unprepared and usually went to the back of the cupboard and donated something they either didn't like, or the can was dented and they wouldn't use it or because they thought it something that a person who needed the food bank would need to eat because it was good for them.  Like brown beans. "it's high in protein, and fiber, it will be good for them".

In the classroom discussion I asked the students to close their eyes and imagine with me that it was Monday morning and we had just opened to doors for our first client. I asked them to tell me what they thought that person looked like. I was astonished that almost class by class regardless of grade, the most common type of answer was that " they had ratty clothes and smelled bad because they didn't wash themselves." We had really great discussions about hygiene and why that might be the case with people in poverty. There is so much more I could share about that experience but it not relevant to this story. What is relevant, is that when it came time to talk about what to bring to the food drive I told them that without looking, I knew what they had already collected in the classroom cupboard. I said I would find mostly brown beans and Kraft dinner and dented cans of food and weird stuff that they didn't like to eat. It was indeed what was there, in every classroom. It was also what you would find on our food bank shelves, because for some reason that is what people thought they should donate. For your parents it was also a good way to clean out the kitchen cupboard of old food they had purchased but never got around to eating in that fancy dish they were always planning to make.  Grimy, dusty, tinned food. It made them feel good to clean out the cupboard and also donate to the 'needy'. Most of us can relate to this.

"The biggest problem with poverty is the shame that comes with it. When you give the best you have to someone in need, it translates into something much deeper to the receiver. It means they are worthy." Kristine Levine

Here was an opportunity to educate and influence young minds to give with intention, a generous spirit and thought. I asked them what their favourite foods were. What is your favourite cereal? Did you like crunchy or smooth peanut butter? Do you have a fun toothpaste you liked, or a shampoo that you loved and made your hair feel good? (Remember that conversation about poor people and hygiene?) I asked them to go with their parents to the store and choose the favourite thing they loved and to donate that to the food drive. We have freezers so you can donate frozen pizza if you love that. Maybe pop tarts are the best breakfast for you. If you get permission from your parents, this is your personal challenge. Children just like you don't have enough to eat, but they like the same things you do! So bring us your favourite foods, and you will not only feed someone who needs it, but they will love it just like you.







What transpired next still has the power to bring me to tears. The school plan was to form a human food chain, that started at the school and ended at the fire hall where all the food was to be collected and then delivered to the food bank. I went to the fire hall and the teachers there encouraged me to 'walk the line' because there was something I needed to see. So I went out. I recall it was a beautiful fall day, warm and sunny so everyone was participating outside. As I made my way down the line students stopped me to tell me what they brought. 'Ms. Payne, my favourite cereals are Froot Loops and Lucky Charms so my mom bought that for me to bring", I love sparkly gel toothpaste so I brought that today", "Look Ms. Payne I brought crunchy peanut butter and canned tuna because I love them!" I wept.

my favourite cereal is....

Our food bank had not looked so good, so diverse, so complete in a long time. We had variety and volume of food we never got to see. And for a long time after, through community communication and conversation, we continued to see wonderful foods that actually appealed to our clients, populate our shelves.




The message to our students was this. People in poverty don't just deserve the cheapest thing you can find in the cupboard, they deserve the best you can give, because they are worthy. Because they are just like you in the most important ways.

Be intentional in your generosity. Be thoughtful, kind and caring every day.

Try A Little Kindness

Why don't people do more with their lives and time here on earth? Why is it enough to sit at home after work, or school or however you spend the bulk of your day, and do nothing. Maybe watch some TV, play on Facebook or Pinterest or online shopping. I am shocked at how many people feel it is ok to just exist and not do anything to contribute to the larger community.


We don't write letters anymore, heck we don't even talk on the phone much. We text and we think that makes us feel connected. I used to spend hours on the phone with my family out in Alberta and our long distance bills were crazy. Which caused a lot of stress in my marriage at the time.

Now most phone plans include free long distance anytime, anywhere in Canada. But we use the phone less. I try to use my driving time in the car to call family and just catch up. I love to hear their voices and talk about sometimes very minor stuff, but we also talk about big stuff and I can hear the expression in their voices. The joy, the sadness, the anger, the hope. Quite often the first couple of words and I know how they are feeling. You can't do that with a text.


Where did all that social capital go? 

I am a very busy person, most people say too busy. I sit on several boards, I took up learning the Harp after I turned 50 and recently auditioned for a local play in our little theatre. I also work full time at a very engaging position that I enjoy immensely. I always try to make community building as part of my volunteer time or down time. It is really important to me to connect with people. I need to know that I make a difference in the world. I even play with the idea of entering politics, but I know in my heart that I am not strong enough to handle the crap that people say and the abuse that is heaped on some good people who just want to make a difference. I think most people enter politics with good intentions, then get damaged by the system along the way.

We need more good in the world. We need more celebrations in our days. We need more loving kindness in our lives - everyday.  

The undercurrent in my life, the background noise is always a little bit of despair. There are so many things we hear about that make me feel so worried for the future of our world. We are pretty isolated from it in our rural Canadian communities. Sure we have access to world news instantly, and we feel angry, we feel scared, but does it really impact us in a deeper way? We sign online petitions - that often are just a way to get us on a mailing list. What happens after you sign the petition? Do you ever really see any results? Sometimes maybe. But signing a petition is not enough. Commenting on facebook posts is not enough. And wow...those trolls. Don't read the comments or you go down the rabbit hole. How can people say some of the things they do? Why would anyone wish that our Prime Minister had died in a recent motorcade accident? That is practically treason, but somehow the internet makes it ok for people to feel safe to say garbage like that. It hurts my heart to read it every time. I feel so sad that people have that much anger in them, that much hate.

I keep telling my kids, in fact anyone who will listen, to get involved in the community. GO to the food bank, and volunteer, don't just give food on occasion. You might actually meet the people who need your help and understand the need is deeper than food. Which might lead you to support them in a different more meaningful way. Go to the OSPCA and walk the dogs or pet the cats. GO to the seniors home and play a game or two. Join a board and learn about the work being done to make YOUR community a better place. You live here, you have a responsibility to make it a better place. A safer place. A more connected place. There is something for everyone to do. I believe with every fibre of my being that if people participated more in life, visited more, talked more, showed a little more kindness that the world would be a better, safer place. If we were less negative even, don't say it if it won't make the conversation better, or if it will hurt someone. Just don't say it. If you can't put good and positive stuff out there, at least don't put the negative, hurtful, hateful stuff out. It just feeds the hate.  Think before you talk or act. I need to remind myself sometimes that I don't always have to win a point. Just walk away.

This post is a bit 'ranty' ( new word?) but I was feeling a bit overwhelmed today with small minded comments, and the awareness of so much negative press. Now I will go and enjoy my safe and warm home here in snowy Ontario. I will spend time with friends making beautiful music this afternoon and enjoy quiet loving hours with my partner and my constant companion Jazzy the Doodle. I found balance in my weekend by enjoying time with my son and grandson, times I treasure.  I am so blessed with my life, I know that. Perhaps that is why I feel so compelled to invest in my community. I can't change the world, but I can be a part of my local world and space, and I can make a difference here. I hope you feel the same about your community. Try a little kindness.